NHL dinosaurs are moving in for the kill
Dear readers, there have been a flurry of rumors over the past 48 hours that have dredged up many a painful memory for me personally, and for which countless thousands of other adoring NHL fans have spent untold millions on psychiatric care to bury deep in their skulls. Not unlike on a Discovery Channel marathon on a rainy Sunday afternoon, rumors surrounding the return of everyone’s favorite NHL dinosaurs are once again walking the fertile plains of our overactive imaginations.
Yes, my friends, they are back. Jagr… Foppa… Dallman?
Former Ranger’s coach and current Oilers assistant coach Tom Renny is all over the Jagr situation:
“Jags and I text back and forth. I talked to him about six weeks ago,” Renney said. “He’s on our radar. He has NHL years ahead of him. No question.”
Actually, I do have a question sir! Where in Alberta are you going to find a large harem of six foot tall Russian supermodels to follow “Jags” around the West Edmonton Mall and stand in line for him at the food court? Because that, my friend, will be in line one, paragraph one of the contract.
As Foppa watch 2009/10 is now coming to a nice rolling boil on the back burner, it is high time to erase the delusions, and bring some important evidence to light. It has come into my possession through a complicated series of back channels and informants deep inside the Swedish mafioso, medical information so damning, so gruesome… well lets just say, don’t pick Forsberg for your keeper league.
And that brings us to Kevin Dallman, who is still tearing up the KHL this season after setting the league record for most points by a defenseman just a few months ago. This tantalizing development is sure to have broad implications to the rumor mill as swine flu continues to decimate lineups from one side of the continent to the other.
Sleep tight, you murderous savages. The dinosaurs are on the hunt.
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